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In the fall of 2003, I either sold or gave away all of my possessions except for about thirty boxes that I stored with a friend and what I could fit in my car. I left behind my work, my friends, my apartment, and the life I'd lived there for six years and headed out for a cabin on top of a mountain in Virginia with just me, my three cats, some clothes, several boxes of books, thirty different kinds of tea, and a newly aquired laptop and cell phone. I stayed on the mountain for six months.
Next, I moved to the wilds of Ohio where I stayed with friends for six weeks and then left for Albany, NY to go back to school at the fine, fine age of 38, first to finish the four semesters needed to complete my BA in Psych, and then on to grad school in the spring of 2006 for Public Health. I finished all of my core coursework by spring 2007. The last two classes were online and independent projects and could be completed anywhere. And so I decided to hit the road once more, to leave Albany and finish my MPH in Wilmington, NC, where I spent the latter part of my growing up years, where I hadn't lived in 23 years, and where I knew I just might lose my mind, or perhaps find something I'd left there oh so many years ago.
August of 2007, I finished grad school. September of 2007 I got a good job with good benefits with a good company. October of 2007 I quit the job, knowing that misery, dread, and wrongness is too high a price for a weekly paycheck and benefits. At this point, I'm back doing the self-employment thing, holistic work, and puttering about with part time things as I navigate how to best surrender to the Infinite Slavering Yes that is engulfing my living in ever tightening spirals.
I no longer believe that I have any answers. And I'm now even suspicious of my questions. But more will be revealed and I am dang skippy up for whatever occurs as this living thing unfolds.
I have lived in 90+ places in seven states and held at least that many different jobs including feng shui consultant, actor, corporate recruiter, bartender, limo driver, truck driver, personal assistant, medical intuitive/psychic, holistic practitioner, dancer, yogini, weight loss instructor, strip club waitress, cat wrangler, wellness educator, shamanic healer, and public health education intern. I write this here blog as a form of Life-as-jigsaw-puzzle, to continue my close watch on the organic robot that I am, to assist me with honesty, and to somehow make more true these Dances With Words.
I have had over forty soulmates and have discovered there is no such thing.
I have overturned a hundred thousand stones and moments searching for proof of god and I have discovered that god is Nothing.
My traveling companions are three cats: Jacinta, 9 years old, auburn speckled tortoise shell, plays fetch, nurses my armpit if I’m wearing cotton, loves tofu, AKA Punk, Squirrel, Sweet Weasel; Calhoon, 15 years old, black/white/grey tiger striped, the size of a small springer spaniel, master snuggler, loves olives, AKA The Hoon, Fatboy of Love, and Boogaloo; and Cassidy, lickaholic, lover of Nature’s Gate Original Herbal Moisturizing Lotion as a feline delicacy, AKA Grandma Booty, who shed her mortal coil December 18, 2006 and whose licky mreow-screamy lovely presense we still miss every single day.
I believe in spiritual autolysis, Waking Up, and creative expression as a path to salvation. I believe that we are all already saved but are too consumed by all the shiny things to realize it. I believe that all the love we need is inside of us. I believe that any love experienced in this world is better seen as a verb in motion rather than a stationary noun.
I believe in you …